Life… we all understand life when life itself pushes us into doing so. Moreover, most of the times it is somebody or something what makes us realize we had not quite understood life before their appearance. Actually, when you think about it, most people walk around normally not even imagining they might be someone’s ‘lifeline’.
What occurred to me was that I hadn’t a clue neither of what life path to follow nor how to choose it, until life stepped into my way to change it up a little. Sounds abstract: life. Well, in this case it isn’t. It was a brand new human being coming to my world that altered the current state of things.
He was a tiny soul stretching out inside my taut belly, probably trying to decide whether to stay there, comfy and warm, or to make the effort and go face the world. He was the size of a watermelon and was already teaching me to take risks, to be strong. As soon as he made his call to get out of my womb, he passed me the buck and I was barely on my own. My tired eyes met his swollen, innocent peepers and secretly told them that it was going to be all right, that no matter how challenging life turned, we were going to manage. Once in the room, the metallic smell of blood mixed with air freshener fragrance overshadowed the typically enchanting baby smell, even though I tried my best to keep it sheltered in my nose. What a delightful, pure smell.
Felipe would need my voice to fall asleep; would need my breasts to feed him; would need my arms to hold him; and my strength to remain strong. My hugs would give him safety, even though all I could feel was fear. However, it was a mutual support: He would chuckle the moment I wanted to cry; would kindly gaze at me when I needed peace. Felipe would need me when I had the need to be useful. I learned the importance of being able to rely on someone, to ask for help, or rescue.
My son grew older every day, and so did his tiny teeth, his sunny yellow hair and his chubby, pale legs. I got used to study at night and to play during the day. I brought back memories of playing on the ground and getting dirty, and also those of doing things just because they were fun, and made us laugh. It took me a while, nevertheless, to familiarize with the mother-role: at the beginning it was pure survival, and it began to get more natural within the months. My son and I grew older holding hands and discovering life together.
What occurred to me was that I hadn’t a clue neither of what life path to follow nor how to choose it, until life stepped into my way to change it up a little. Sounds abstract: life. Well, in this case it isn’t. It was a brand new human being coming to my world that altered the current state of things.
He was a tiny soul stretching out inside my taut belly, probably trying to decide whether to stay there, comfy and warm, or to make the effort and go face the world. He was the size of a watermelon and was already teaching me to take risks, to be strong. As soon as he made his call to get out of my womb, he passed me the buck and I was barely on my own. My tired eyes met his swollen, innocent peepers and secretly told them that it was going to be all right, that no matter how challenging life turned, we were going to manage. Once in the room, the metallic smell of blood mixed with air freshener fragrance overshadowed the typically enchanting baby smell, even though I tried my best to keep it sheltered in my nose. What a delightful, pure smell.
Felipe would need my voice to fall asleep; would need my breasts to feed him; would need my arms to hold him; and my strength to remain strong. My hugs would give him safety, even though all I could feel was fear. However, it was a mutual support: He would chuckle the moment I wanted to cry; would kindly gaze at me when I needed peace. Felipe would need me when I had the need to be useful. I learned the importance of being able to rely on someone, to ask for help, or rescue.
My son grew older every day, and so did his tiny teeth, his sunny yellow hair and his chubby, pale legs. I got used to study at night and to play during the day. I brought back memories of playing on the ground and getting dirty, and also those of doing things just because they were fun, and made us laugh. It took me a while, nevertheless, to familiarize with the mother-role: at the beginning it was pure survival, and it began to get more natural within the months. My son and I grew older holding hands and discovering life together.
I remember the first time I bought him a ‘Kinder Surprise’. He tried to unfold it and instantly glanced at me asking for help. By the time we managed to unwrap it entirely, his eyes were already sparkling. He broke the egg into two and opened his eyes even wider when he discovered the yellow toy holder. I could barely hear the kids laughing and shouting in the square, for all I could pay attention to was Felipe’s genuine smile. His blissful happiness even made him lose a funny screech. His mind was into figuring out how to eat the whole chocolate and play with the toy at the very same time. I can even recall his sticky hand and face, all mixed with the dirt of the square bench. But it looked great along with his toothful smile and his shining blue eyes.
Before Felipe was even real, I was a nineteen-year-old girl who was quitting university because she didn’t know what she wanted. I was an unexperienced girl who didn’t know a thing about real compromise, responsibility and challenges. I was submerged in a harmful relationship which kept me away of enjoying life. Maybe my ‘lifeline’ could have been someone else if time had allowed so, but it turned out to be a wonderful life-changing boy who came to stir my world and I’m sure others’ too.